We are far too young and clever
And things won't ever change.
03 December 2004
5:46 p.m.
Things are ok. My burns are healing fine, I didn't need to go see that surgeon I talked about last time. No skin graft, no antibiotics. I am a phenomenal healer. However, it looks like the scars are in it for the long haul, though. I don't really care...aw, hell, I like my scars, might as well admit it. But I don't want my sister or friends seeing them and wanting to talk about or anything.
I have 4 pretty impressive scars on my left forearm from heating the dull edge of a knife and branding myself. And I couldn't ever admit this to anyone in real life, but these scars are what I've been looking for all this time. I think they look great, I love to touch them, look at them. They're the kind of great wide scars I never got from cutting. Of course I want to make more. But I can't til I move out...my mom checks my arms sometimes. What am I, 13? Oh well. But no more salt and ice, ever. That was a mistake.
In other news. I applied for a temp job doing lab work, third shift, 12-8:30am. Haven't heard anything yet, but I think I'll get it. Of course, I'm sure more than just me applied, and everyone else probably has more work experience. So I probably won't get it. My thinking goes back and forth like that. But, really, the important thing is that I applied, because it got my dad off my back. I'm not against working or anything, either. I think I'd do well with more structure in my day.
Gained some weight, or water, or whatever. I'm about 217 now. I hit 210.5 at one point a couple weeks ago. Crazy. I'm determined to stop purging. It just doesn't seem to be working any more, I can't get anything much up, and it makes me feel awful and bloated and hungry and then I eat more and it starts all over. So far one day purge free.
Previous:::Next
The End - 07 February 2007
Updatery - 03 December 2004
Not much to say - 13 November 2004
- - 11 November 2004
Hindsight is 20/20 - 11 November 2004
