We are far too young and clever
And things won't ever change.
22 August 2004
12:52 a.m.
Yesterday I was a huge, lazy cow. Ate tons, didn't go to the gym, et cetera. Today started out like yesterday, but I finally managed to get off my ass and go to the gym, rode my bike when I got home. Had a good dinner, went to a friend's house to play cards. Not a bad night. Tomorrow I'd like to hit the gym again, eat well. Of course, that's always the plan. I guess we'll see.
I was thinking about my ed and all my weird behaviors some. Everyone knows the sound bite that eating disorders aren't really about food and weightloss, they're about control But I'm not so sure that my eating disorder is as much about control as it is about distraction. It's a way of distracting me from all the things I should be doing: getting a job, moving out, finding a boyfriend, making connections, crap like that. That shit all scares me senseless, so I put all my concentration and energy into my eating disorder and other problems so I don't have to think about it. So I guess my entire eating disorder is just a coping method to deal with the stressful things in my life, to distract me from all the real problems I have. So what's the answer? Right now, I'm putting my hope in Prozac. Maybe it'll make me feel good enough to not be so stressed about finding a job that I'll actually get out there and do it. I'm so worried about how expensive it's going to be when my insurance runs out. Even generic Prozac is expensive.
Previous:::Next
The End - 07 February 2007
Updatery - 03 December 2004
Not much to say - 13 November 2004
- - 11 November 2004
Hindsight is 20/20 - 11 November 2004
