We are far too young and clever
And things won't ever change.
26 July 2004
1:41 p.m.
Well, this would be almost two weeks purge-free (where does the fucking time go?) except that I've b/p'ed about four times since I last wrote. I'm actually genuinely surprised, because I really didn't think it would be hard at all to stop. I guess it's like alcoholism; I really did think I could stop any time I wanted, no problem. So I guess not. Although it really isn't the purging that's uncontrollable, but the eating. But once I eat so much shit, and it's so easy to get rid of it, well, why shouldn't I? I guess I could just go lay on my bed til I digest a little and I'm not so painfully full...buy why? I'd rather be a little bloated than a fat cow. Maybe I'll eventually learn to control my eating somewhat.
In other news. I'm going to start looking for a job the second week in August, after my family gets back from vacationing at the beach. I guess I'll just live at home until I save up some money, which will probably drive me mad. Pretty close anyway.
I went to the beach last week for a few days with three good friends. So much fun, I'm glad I have friends in real life. I feel bad for people who are so active on Internet message boards and don't have any real friends. I've got a nice tan going. Tan fat looks better than white fat.
Can't seem to get up any motivation to go to the gym. What a waste of money that's turning out to be. I really wish I had my own elliptical machine. They're not that expensive, couple hundred I guess. Too much to waste money on.
My sister kind of worries me. She eats so much. She's my height but weighs a few pounds less (I'm about 226, she's about 220). When I got up this morning she had ordered a large pizza and cheese sticks and has made a pretty good dent in them. She's also drinking a 2 liter bottle of Coke. She always eats a ton, and I don't think she's throwing up, because I would recognize all the behaviors. Compulsive over-eating? Binge eating disorder? I know she's not happy being so fat, she's always talking about walking around the block and giving up soda and crap. I just know that if I could go back to being 15 (but knowing what I know now) I would immediately try to start eating right and exercising a little. Her metabolism will never be faster than it is now. And what if my 30 year old self could come back to my body now? It would tell me the same damn thing. Why can't I take my own advice?
Previous:::Next
The End - 07 February 2007
Updatery - 03 December 2004
Not much to say - 13 November 2004
- - 11 November 2004
Hindsight is 20/20 - 11 November 2004
