We are far too young and clever
And things won't ever change.
19 October 2003
7:35 p.m.
It's funny. I was thinking about the entry I wrote last night/this morning. I spent so much time thinking about and analyzing the pros and cons of purging, and the physical health consequences didn't even enter my thoughts. I used to worry so much that my esophagus would rupture mid-purge and I would just die in the bathroom floor. Or my teeth would rot out, or I'd die of a potassium imbalance. I don't even think about that anymore. I don't know if it's just because I've been bulimic for so long without any major physical consequences or because I'm in denial about the consequences. Or I have a subconscious death wish. I don't know. I mean, I take care of my teeth, I take a multivitamin. I guess my esophagus is on its own.
I threw up last night. I guess all the talk about it was a trigger. Ate Chinese leftovers and drank 40 oz. of water. Very wet, gushing purge. I also recongnized a few things I had eaten about four hours earlier, so that was nice.
My head is killing me. I have bad headaches almost every day. I take so much Advil, sometimes 5 at a time. It may well be from phentermine withdrawl: I often get headaches in the evening when the phentermine starts to wear off or on days where I don't take it. I guess it's nothing I can't deal with.
Ever since I read Seabiscuit this summer, I've been intrigued by the lengths that jockeys go to to lose weight. Of course, the statistics are just estimates, but I bet that 70% of professional jockeys purge to lose weight. It blows my mind that the jockeys' bathroom at race track is equipped with a 'heaving stall' with a large, seatless toilet specifically for vomiting. I'll put up a few links in case you want to check it out:
Jockeys risk health to keep weight low
Starving to win?
Jockeys dying to make the weights
A Dangerous Sport
Previous:::Next
The End - 07 February 2007
Updatery - 03 December 2004
Not much to say - 13 November 2004
- - 11 November 2004
Hindsight is 20/20 - 11 November 2004
